Thoughts out loud

Who am I? Where I am? Why am I? What am I doing here?

psychology books
Lately I've been thinking a lot about questions: Why do I live? Who am I? Why am I not having fun? Why should I get out of bed?
I asked them periodically all my life, but did not find an answer. This scared me a lot. It was getting hard for me to breathe. His throat constricted with spasm, his heart skipped a beat. But there was no answer, and there was no desire to live for the sake of something ordinary and material. Money is good, but I grew up thanks to world literature as a romantic and idealist. I want to feel proud, answering the questions: Who am I and why?

This, and the absence of many other answers, has driven me into a deep depression since childhood. Eternal from adults: Don't ask too many difficult questions. Do not say. Do not trust. Don't stick out. Be careful. Do it and don't do it. Your feelings are wrong.
These were all the answers that were given to me when I asked them to people around. And I went to look for answers in books. There were beautiful and terrible worlds that gave me experience, understanding and many answers. But not all.

Having come to a psychotherapist now, I realized that it is not necessary to ask difficult questions to people who are depressed. Depressed people are just scared. I want to bury myself in the monitor / TV and not see anything around. I want not to be. When horror haunts you every day since childhood. When there were people around who could not cope with something difficult and sick. They just don't have an answer...
I never found an answer to the question of who I am and why I live. But maybe the task is simply not formulated correctly and I'm looking for the wrong thing? Maybe you can come up with these answers on your own and start living for the sake of these answers?

Maybe I'm just a man, like everyone else?
And I live because my mother gave birth to me and I have a high instinct for self-preservation.

And to get out of bed or not, only my choice. I can decide to live in order to change something and make this world better and kinder. I see so much terrible every day on the news since I was born, I see grief and pain around me. But maybe you should stop asking questions and suffering? Can accept that because I'm in pain, I'm still alive. And I want joy and light, smiles and laughter around me, because it's nice. And start doing something.
And if I want to change the world, I should start with myself. Life seems to be a terrible thing. But I see no reason to live for something other than goodness and beauty. Building is harder than destroying. But only in this way it will be possible to safely say that I am a Human. And be proud of it.

In order for something to change, it must begin to change. Captain obvious?. Definitely. But many things are really simpler than we try to make them out to be.

And I was also told that the “not” particle is not perceived by the brain. But try to tell yourself that you are not pretty. And then feel the emotional response. And now vice versa. You are handsome. Just super! It's better too, isn't it?
Made on